Chivalry, Courtly Love, Civility, etc.
In general, I like the ideas covered by chivalry and courtly love. Of
course, as older concepts, not all of their concepts may be highly relevant
today. However, I think they do provide some good suggestions on being
respectful. Hopefully the information here will be helpful, or at least
interesting.
Quick Links:
Code of Chivalry,
Rules of Courtly Love,
Rules of Civility,
Additional Information.
The Code of Chivalry
I wanted to put these here because I think that there are some good ideals
within the code of chivalry. Plus it's interesting to see how our ideas
about chivalry and/or honor have changed with time. Sure, some of this is
obviously outdated and probably not very useful, but some of it is still good
advice; I'm sure you'll recognize which points are useful even today.
The Ten Commandments of the Code of Chivalry
From Chivalry by Leon Gautier
- Thou shalt believe all that the Church teaches, and shalt observe
all its directions.
- Thou shalt defend the Church.
- Thou shalt respect all weaknesses, and shalt constitute thyself the
defender of them.
- Thou shalt love the country in the which thou wast born.
- Thou shalt not recoil before thine enemy.
- Thou shalt make war against the Infidel without cessation, and
without mercy.
- Thou shalt perform scrupulously thy feudal duties, if they be not
contrary to the laws of God.
- Thou shalt never lie, and shall remain faithful to thy pledged
word.
- Thou shalt be generous, and give largess to everyone.
- Thou shalt be everywhere and always the champion of the Right and
the Good against Injustice and Evil.
The Code of Chivalry
From the Rifts: England Supplement
I'm pretty sure I got this list somewhere else, but I haven't found out
where. Still, some reference is better than none, so thanks to Jeremy
Treanor for giving me this one.
- Live to serve King and Country.
- Live to defend Crown and Country and all it holds dear.
- Live one's life so that it is worthy of respect and honor.
- Live for freedom, justice and all that is good.
- Never attack an unarmed foe.
- Never use a weapon on an opponent not equal to the attack.
- Never attack from behind.
- Avoid lying to your fellow man.
- Avoid cheating.
- Avoid torture.
- Obey the law of king, country, and chivalry.
- Administer justice.
- Protect the innocent.
- Exhibit self control.
- Show respect to authority.
- Respect women.
- Exhibit Courage in word and deed.
- Defend the weak and innocent.
- Destroy evil in all of its monstrous forms.
- Crush the monsters that steal our land and rob our people.
- Fight with honor.
- Avenge the wronged.
- Never abandon a friend, ally, or noble cause.
- Fight for the ideals of king, country, and chivalry.
- Die with valor.
- Always keep one's word of honor.
- Always maintain one's principles.
- Never betray a confidence or comrade.
- Avoid deception.
- Respect life and freedom.
- Die with honor.
- Exhibit manners.
- Be polite and attentive.
- Be respectful of host, women, and honor.
- Loyalty to country, King, honor, freedom, and the code of chivalry.
- Loyalty to one's friends and those who lay their trust in thee.
Rules of Courtly Love
I wanted to put these here because I think that there are some good ideas
in these sets of rules. It's also interesting to see how our ideas about
love have changed with time (OK, so we don't exactly have the idea of
courtly love around anymore, but still). Some of this is certainly outdated
and probably not very useful, but some of it is still good advice; I'm sure
you'll recognize which points are useful even today. Both lists apparently
come from the same source, The Art of Courtly Love by Andreas
Capellanus. Thanks to Mark Lipsman for pointing out an error (now corrected)
in point 2 of the second list below.
The Twelve Chief Rules in Love
From The Art of Courtly Love by Andreas Capellanus
- Thou shalt avoid avarice like the deadly pestilence and shalt
embrace its opposite.
- Thou shalt keep thyself chaste for the sake of her whom thou
lovest.
- Thou shalt not knowingly strive to break up a correct love affair that
someone else is engaged in.
- Thou shalt not chose for thy love anyone whom a natural sense of shame
forbids thee to marry.
- Be mindful completely to avoid falsehood.
- Thou shalt not have many who know of thy love affair.
- Being obedient in all things to the commands of ladies, thou shalt ever
strive to ally thyself to the service of Love.
- In giving and receiving love's solaces let modesty be ever present.
- Thou shalt speak no evil.
- Thou shalt not be a revealer of love affairs.
- Thou shalt be in all things polite and courteous.
- In practising the solaces of love thou shalt not exceed the desires of
thy lover.
The Art of Courtly Love
From The Art of Courtly Love by Andreas Capellanus
- Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.
- He who is not jealous cannot love.
- No one can be bound by a double love.
- It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing.
- That which a lover takes against the will of his beloved has no
relish.
- Boys do not love until they reach the age of maturity.
- When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the
survivor.
- No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons.
- No one can love unless he is propelled by the persuasion of love.
- Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice.
- It is not proper to love any woman whom one would be ashamed to seek to
marry.
- A true lover does not desire to embrace in love anyone except his
beloved.
- When made public love rarely endures.
- The easy attainment of love makes it of little value: difficulty of
attainment makes it prized.
- Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved.
- When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved his heart
palpitates.
- A new love puts an old one to flight.
- Good character alone makes any man worthy of love.
- If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely revives.
- A man in love is always apprehensive.
- Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love.
- Jealousy increases when one suspects his beloved.
- He whom the thought of love vexes eats and sleeps very little.
- Every act of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved.
- A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please
his beloved.
- Love can deny nothing to love.
- A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved.
- A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved.
- A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love.
- A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the
thought of his beloved.
- Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two
women.
The 25 Rules of Civility
I attended a talk given by Dr. P.M. Forni on the topic of
civility. His book
Choosing Civility
[Amazon link] discusses in more detail each of the 25 rules he
listed in the handout I received, copied below. While this is a somewhat
different subject than chivalry and courtly love, I think it's related and
thus an appropriate addition to this page.
- Pay attention
- Acknowledge others
- Think the best
- Listen
- Be inclusive
- Speak kindly
- Don't speak ill
- Accept and give praise
- Respect even a subtle "no"
- Respect other's opinions
- Mind your body
- Be agreeable
- Keep it down (and rediscover silence)
- Respect other people's time
- Respect other people's space
- Apologize earnestly
- Assert yourself
- Avoid personal questions
- Care for your guests
- Be a considerate guest
- Think twice before asking for favors
- Refrain from idle complaints
- Accept and give constructive criticism
- Respect the environment and be gentle to animals
- Don't shift responsibility and blame
Chivalry Links
I used to have more, but it looks like many sites disappeared over time, so
this list has gotten smaller.
Related Material
This site has some interesting articles (in their words) "helping men be
better husbands, better fathers, and better men." I don't think that means
there's nothing there for women, but men are clearly the target audience.
Here's a sample of some of the articles I noticed at this site that looked
interesting, including a few that are on chivalry or similar topics. These
are in no particular order, so the order might change now and then.
While these may seem a little old-fashioned (and perhaps they are), there are
many articles in a variety of areas, and from what I've seen, it's probably
worth a look if you're interested in topics like chivalry.
From other sources, I thought I'd also include a link to
Lifehacker's guide to hat etiquette
to supplement the hat-related links above.
Note regarding Coats of Arms for a family surname: if you go by the
usual rules, only the direct male descendants of a man who bore Arms are
allowed to use those Arms (and some rules are even more strict than that).
The family arms that are relatively easily found are just Arms that belonged
to someone with the same surname as you in the past. This also why you can
find different Arms for the same family name. There is no genealogical link
implied by family arms and so technically you can't use those Arms as your
own and have them recognized by the heraldry world as yours.
I have found three different Arms for the Marshall name so far; here are
pictures for the interested:
coat 1 version 1,
coat 1 version 2,
coat 2, and
coat 3. Thanks to Greg Marshall for
pointing out that the first coat is English and not Irish like I thought
(but see The Marshall Clan,
which has coat 1 and mentions Irish Marshalls), the second belongs to
Marshall Sellaby, County Durham, and Chelsea, Middlesex, and the third is
that of a gentleman or esquire as indicated by the helm. If I can't find an
ancestor with Arms to claim for my own, which will probably be the case,
then I may look into having Arms created and registered for my use, most
likely by the
American College of Heraldry.
If I do that at some point, I will try to make sure I get an image of those
Arms up here.
Site navigation links:
Direct links to major sections:
Direct links to specific pages:
[Abbreviations]
[Astronomy Abbreviations]
[Ballroom Books]
[Ballroom Combos]
[Ballroom Dancing]
[Ballroom Steps]
[Chivalry]
[Desiderata]
[Dissertation (@UMD)]
[Gamebook Blurbs]
[Jelly Belly Recipes]
[Nikoli Puzzle Rules]
[Pocky]
[Professor Quotes]
[Smileys]
[Spanish Gypsy Dance]
[Tai Chi Forms]
[VLSBG Catalog]
[Wedding]
Search this site with a Google custom search engine:
James Marshall
(e-mail me)
http://www.jmarshall.net/
This page was last updated on August 17, 2024.
This page has been visited
times since September 27, 2009. Free counter courtesy of
PHPJunkYard.com.
View my standard disclaimer or site map.